昨天做了竹荪肉丸汤，十分的鲜美，简直有了国内的时候妈妈做的味道了。从国内回来，第一个想念的美食就是竹荪汤，妈妈放了鳕鱼，放了丝瓜和鸡蛋，再加上胡椒和竹荪，那个鲜啊。回来后，早早在中国超市买来了干竹荪，刚好前几天做了烤鸡，把鸡架用来做高汤，这下做汤就是理所当然的了。没有鳕鱼，就改用肉丸，成品一样棒，用来浇饭，很香的说。很佩服中国饮食的博大精深，那么简单的几种原料，放在一起就能做成那么好吃的美食，作为中国人简直太福气了，哈哈。这几天老想吃中餐呢，可惜没时间，只弄了个汤，等哪天好好的下厨做几个小菜犒劳犒劳下自己。

据说下个星期一全比利时交通系统和政府部门一起罢工，不知道到时候怎么去leuven上课还有打羽毛球，人家有不满还可以罢工示威，咱们老百姓呢？除了跟着倒霉之外，也没有什么好处。荷兰的Jan给我发消息说Fortis银行破产被政府收购的事情，自己实在打不起兴趣去关注，报纸上天天关于这个破产那个破产，经济如何下滑的消息，还不是那些特权资本家搞的，说来说去也没有说谁负责。俺说，俺还是过自己的安逸生活就好，不求什么报复，不关心什么政治。西方人比较关心政治，身边好多人都谈这些，可也没有见他们真的能做什么，改变了什么？该罢工的罢工，人家该当选的还是当选，人家该拿着高薪把公司搞挎的还不是活的逍遥自在。俺还是比较喜欢讨论些形而上学的东西，扯扯人生，文化，至少觉得对个人有些意义。下午去Fontainas看书学习，要了杯koffie verkeerd，结果拿到收的不是平常用的玻璃杯子，而是带有绿色山羊图案的，怪可爱的，拍张照片留恋 ：）

昨晚打完羽毛球已经8点了，和lucas一起到Pitta店里随便买了店小吃和饮料算是自己的晚餐。这个星期天气一直阴冷阴冷，不时下着毛毛雨，晚上的leuven十分的庄重，石板路被雨水打湿后显得更有中世纪的古韵。穿着曲折回转的小路，身边是几世纪前的教堂和房屋，想到国内的城市景色，觉得差异是如此的巨大，让人有些惊叹。我说，有点想国内了，放假在国内家中虽然没有什么事情可做，但是那也是中奢侈的清闲啊。开学才两个星期，已经觉得累了，到不是学业有多么的负重，孔夫子说：三十而立，四十不惑，五十知天命。自己还差很远，有好多东西自己还不知道，这些空缺还要去一点点学，人生才能一点点完善，然后开始一点点的建树。在国内似乎没有这样的想法，日子一天天的过去，把天真当成一种资本，认为一切都会理所当然的到来的。Fraud说过，你最想要得到的东西其实就是你最畏惧的。自己现在想要求知，大概真的跟自己害怕枉过一生有关系吧。比如看一副油画，如果不知道里面的故事、象征、历史背景、作者的生活经历等等就很难体会到它的独特之处。在大学里面学到很多东西，大多都是关于文化宗教哲学的东西，虽然抽象，但是觉得这些对自己的生活多少有些积极的影响，总算三年的时间没有浪费掉。学知，也屏除不少生活中的浮躁吧，最近光顾着看课本，很少去顾及其他的事情了，连妈妈都在电话上抱怨为什么好长时间都没有给家人电话，也不在博客上写写自己的生活以及对家人的交流。昨晚一個MSN上的网友，用着一种理所当然的口吻要我陪他去安特逛街，說是要去買Armani的面霜和Kiehl's的洗髮水給他家的狗。然後就開始大談這個牌子和那個牌子的衣服怎樣怎樣。唯一的感覺，就是真是閒人啊。這樣的奢侈（或者浪費）自己是承擔不起的，對這些也不太感冒。就連Sergey昨天下午見面的時候，還不停的抱怨說自己要學點東西，語言或者繼續他的繪畫，不能這樣空閒了。早上起床後，精神特好，昨天的運動似乎沒有甚麼像樣，不像上一次打完之後全身酸疼了三天。要認真的鍛鍊鍛鍊了，跑去買了運動包和另一副球拍，人體是革命的本錢，加上自己年紀一大把了，不能不開始重視了。給小馬和Xingray同學的相冊終於做好了，並下了訂單，兩個星期的等候時間，到時候就可以送給他們當作禮物了：）

課上看到兩副油畫，都是出自Caravaggio的手筆，為Contarelli教堂創作，內容都是St Matthew在天使的指引下撰寫聖經的故事，卻風格截然不同。後者擺脫了當時的用來繪畫聖人固定模式，採用現實逼真的手法，使得St Matthew顯得不在那麼的高貴神聖，一旁的天使則耐心著引導著這位老人寫作，臉上的表情十分的安詳。黑白的對比，光線的應用都是典型巴洛克藝術的特點，整副畫具有人性和震撼力。但是在完成後便引起了軒然大波，遭到了神職人員權勢貴族的抗議，在他們眼中聖人是神聖、莊嚴、始終高於普通人。Caravaggio不得不又重新創作，遵守陳規完成了前者，被保存在Contarelli教堂之內。提著兩幅畫，是因為自己頗喜歡這個故事之後給人的啓迪，還有Caravaggio的藝術造詣。藝術是生活的反應，相反在藝術作品中我們也可以學到一些平時的為人之道，如果能不時的打破陳規去處固定的思維方式，人生將變得或許更加得燦爛。

终于在比利时吃了第一次正宗的火锅，虽然以前自己也弄过，可是少了涮的肉就觉得似乎像冒牌的一样，没有多大意思。加上他每次对我做的东西都挑三拣四，不是太辣就是不辣，这个那个没完没了，自然也就少了吃火锅的那种酣畅淋漓的痛快。前天去买肉，看到肉店中伙计给别人用切肉机切肉片，一看就兴奋了，这不就是俺朝思暮想的涮火锅的肉片么！等到俺，俺痛快的给伙计说，给我牛肉切片，薄薄的，来一公斤。等看着华丽丽的肉片从机器上切下来，然后包好，拿在手上，有种说不出来的激动和幸福哦，哈哈。这两天在Youtube上老是看蜡笔小新，好多集中都是关于吃火锅的，把俺的火锅隐又勾了起来。正好xingray同学那里有从国内带来的火锅底料，早上把肉包起来，坐了一个小时候的公汽，送了过去，真够折腾的。下午去他们家吃火锅，Jos也在，正宗的底料哈，呵呵，辣的很过瘾，不过我吃的火锅跟xingray的重庆火锅还是不太一样，他喜欢放花菜和土豆那种硬硬的，我喜欢放蘑菇和青菜，小马同学则喜欢吃脆皮肠，啥子脆皮肠呦，在超市买回来的肯定没有国内的正宗撒，下到锅里就软了哈，真笨！Jos则一边吃，一边表扬xingray同学做的火锅好吃，俺做的火锅多么难吃，切！信了你的邪哦！平时我做辣的他还没吃就嚷着辣嚷着难闻，现在他主动献殷勤的说，小人啊，不跟他太多理论好了。不过火锅还真好吃，辣椒华丽丽的，花椒也华丽丽的，蒜蓉也华丽丽的，唯一遗憾就是肉片还是太厚，跟水煮牛肉差不多了，以后一定要让肉店切成蝉翼状！俺买了好多的蘑菇，小马同学帮忙付的钱，谢谢小马同学，以后俺会补过来的撒。四个人一起吃火锅，还真过瘾呢，呵呵。

昨天晚上羽毛球开始，报了名，每个星期四去打。昨晚打了一个小时的时间，结果现在全身酸痛啊。。要坚持！说点其他的，今天看到弟弟给我传的新家的照片了，不是糊的就是暗的或者蓝的，但是看起来好像还可以，简单整洁，下次回家就有新家住了 ：）俺那小表弟最大的爱好就是吃，每次回去就要带他去各个餐馆啊，KFC啊吃好多东西，加上从国外都要带点东西给他，所以自己每次回去的时间等，他最关心。呵呵，他是跟对人了，跟了俺一个那么会吃的哥哥。每次走了之后，他第一时间就留言说想死我了等等，然后抱怨他妈妈给他做的东西都不好吃云云。其实看他挺乖的样子，多少有点不忍心，从小就被送到这个培训班那个培训班的，上次暑假那么热还要去学什么疯狂英语，每天早上6点起来晚上9点回来，这是童年的生活么？那么小，毛笔字，乒乓球，羽毛球都比我这个年级一把的哥哥好多了，但是如果是我，宁愿让他开心的享受下童年的时光。问他喜欢不喜欢这些培训课，笑嘻嘻的说，还行，在我的逼问下，才小声的说，不喜欢。在MSN上，他给我抱怨作业如此之多，刚上初中，6点起床6点回家，然后是成山的作业，6面的试卷，各个科目都要做。说连教室与厕所相隔都很远，来回10分钟，课间就没有休息了，一下课老师跑着去厕所，一大群小孩子就跟着后面跑，场面很壮观。加上作为小组长，还要收作业等等。哎，还是来国外学吧，国内压力太大，而且发展不平衡，来国外，轻松些，教育好，虽然不用做那么多作业也不见得比别人笨啊。哎，小弟弟啊，你坚持点，好好用功吧，作业坚持做，好好学习，等我回国了，用KFC还有美食来告劳你！

After one week's routine, back and forth to leuven, I could finally relax and order my favorite "Tartine poulet fume" at Le pain quotidian. This is my late breakfast at 1 am and it's fabulous. The last week seemed extremely short. It's gone before I even had the time to realize it. Two big parties, several minor quarrels with strangers, lots of pages to read, laughters and tears...life seems nothing but just fine as usual. In the class of European literature, religion and art, teacher taught us to open up our eyes to appreciate a painting or a poem, read between the lines, for in daily life there is too much already taken for granted. When we tried to observe little details on the painting and describe them in our own language, most of the time it sounded silly and naive, but there was a profound "verlichting" spreading inside my body as if the painting and everything around began to look prettier.

My two dear friends got married this Saturday. I was lucky to be there and witness everything. How brave they are. I kept wondering, for they are both very young, but not fearing. At the same time it frustrated me a little bit that my bravery had become a history. The future reminds mysterious, since I barely and often reluctantly think about it. The wedding was nice, and the party was fun. When I was asked to say something for the newly weds, my head was spinning, because there was too much to say, but not much could be probably said in that circumstance. I am this kind of person who only feels comfortable and secure in my own little world or as Mario puts it: I think too much. Anyway, back to my dear friends. Every word I said at the party was from the heart. I am glad to have met you and shared wonderful moments together. I wish you happy forever. Here is one of my favorite parts from "The little prince", for you...

But he did not answer my plea. He said to me, instead:
"The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen . . ."
"Yes, I know . . ."
"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers . . ."
"Yes, I know . . ."
"It is just as it is with the water. Because of the pulley, and the rope, what you gave me to drink was like music. You remember--how good it was."
"Yes, I know . . ."
"And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better, like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens . . . they will all be your friends... "

开学两天，leuven一片欣欣向荣的景象，昨天晚上在小马和星瑞同学家聊到很晚，出门时候看到街上一学生酒吧门口聚了好多学生，喝的那个豪爽。一边等公车回布鲁塞尔，一边看着一家伙骑在自行车上醉醺醺过来，冲小马同学打招呼。直到警察来清场，这些学生个个才摇摇晃晃回去，啧啧，这校园生活真的正式开始了。本来以为这学期会很轻松，可现在看来似乎更麻烦些，好多课程都要自己总结写报告，还要选两门选修课，很多课程时间互相冲突，还要学翻译，中翻荷兰语很恐怖的，还有毕业论文等等。三年级的学生今年还真多，50多个，从中国回来的很多，这样一来，除了以前的同学外，还有小马同学外，也不认识谁，看看吧，希望可以交几个朋友了。才开学两天，还没有正式开课，就已经觉得累了，刚上了公车一下就想要睡觉，这样怎么了得。星瑞同学说：新学期新气象，要又个好好的开头。可俺为什么就打不起来精神来呢？Jos这两天身体不舒服，也很是担心，给邻居借的车今天还了人家，又没有车了，只能窝在家中了。一星期的好天气到了今天结束了，从学校回家的路上下起毛毛雨来，坐在火车中，翻着新买来的课本，又想起来那句从小到大一直在耳边想起的motto:好好学习，天天向上！

哈哈，今天小马同学还说我老在这里叫他同学同学的很不习惯，可我们本来就是同学撒。小马同学，其实很亲切的，叫多了就听习惯了哈。PS: 他跟星瑞同学之间不停的“dear”啊“darling”啊叫个不听，甜甜蜜蜜的，他跟他最好的朋友Nele之间则是“schat”，俺也不能也叫小马同学mon cherie吧，呵呵 ；）



美国偶像第二名David Archuleta出的单曲《Crush》早在一段时间前在Itune的排名进了前十，一直没有去听，虽然这个小孩很有天分，声音也很好听，人长的也Q，就是年轻点了，有些稚嫩的感觉，没有上界冠军David Cook成熟些。前两天在Itune上听了一下，觉得还不错，尽管感觉有点像后街男孩刚出道时候的风格，但是Crush在如今回忆起来不就是有点青涩和单纯么？

昨天去了躺Leuven，为了见一个朋友，也为了去问关于摄影课的事情。没有想到Leuven已经那么热闹了，到处的学生，可以隐约的看出谁是新来的，就凭他们脸上的新鲜感和兴奋劲。在leuven两年的光阴一下就晃过了，自己也成了快要毕业的高年级同学了，看到那些初升牛犊不怕虎的小同学们，还真觉得一丝的敬畏。下个星期就开学，有点向往，生活又走到了规范的安排之中，可以有所收获，不象现在天天只知道闲着去喝咖啡晒太阳读读书，要么就跟几个朋友一起玩。他的画展又开始了，每年这个时候，这里的博物馆都举行一次大型的古书古画交易会，这两天他忙这些事情。因为最近他身体不好，所以很是担心，这样一个人经不起折腾的人，真病了，还是让人很心疼的。昨天那个朋友问我，自己会不会有时在想起未来的时候害怕。我不知道怎么回答，害怕未来，有什么意义呢？未来对于我们到底多么的重要？。在Fnac搜到了贝多芬的Hammerklavier的CD，买回来，等到了家，觉得累，那出CD来听着，好像那些问题也不怎么重要了。这两天睡的太差了，许久不能入睡，脑袋中太多的东西，很痛苦。昨晚做梦，梦到了凡超同学，好多的片断，一个是一大群人骑自行车郊游回来，带了无数的东西回来，然后自己帮凡超同学整理行李。然后就是晨读课给凡超同学看俺给老师要的笔记，笔记中记着几种真菌的特征，呵呵。梦醒，想着梦中的情景，有些可笑，但是还是想凡超同学了，那么好的一姑娘。。。。

下午在大广场走了那么一圈，被一群一群的中国游客吓到了，好像做梦，自己又回到了国内，看到人手一相机而且拍照片的姿势太雷了，场面很雄伟很暴力。。。好怕怕啊，上照片作证！

"...I too have a heart and I have tried to preserve it and therefore made every effort to keep it in the proper place, so as not to have it on my lips at one moment and on my sleeve at the next, and never in the proper place, and not to confuse having a heart with sentimental twaddle."

- Søren Kierkegaard, Journals 1834-1854

秋意渐浓的清晨，起床后，两个人一起跑进卫生间里洗脸刷牙，回想着昨晚在朋友家举行的钢琴演奏会，脑袋还是轻飘飘的，心中堵塞一般，不知道如何抒发那些压积的情绪。等送走小马和星瑞同学之后，愈发的难过，而且是发自心底。这跟自己的生活没有太大的关系，只是因为那场演奏会，短短的半个小时时间，却让人沉浸其中，生活如画卷般的展开，不断的去审视去反思。演奏的人是Ge的朋友Adriaan，他的公寓在一家鲜花店上，长长的走廊中弥满了花香与泥土的芬芳。高高的天花板以及暗紫色的墙壁，松木铺的地方，散发着一种随意而颓废。钢琴曲是贝多芬的Hammerklavier，用一家120年历史的钢琴弹奏，那并不完美却激情四射的旋律仿佛具有刺透力，一下打动了内心柔软之处。像着了魔一样，思念漂浮出去，眼前呈现出无数的镜头画面，随着音乐而变换着，那么自然，那么清晰，想及了一部典型的法国式电影。在一个明媚的秋日，阳光透过窗户撒到卧室中，落在主人公依然沉睡着的棱角分明的脸庞，细腻的唇，柔丝搬被秋风吹佛着的碎发。馒头只慢慢的旋转着，逐渐拉开，只有优妙的音乐，细微，仿佛可以听到他沉稳呼吸声，美丽的梦境，微笑着，让人不忍心打断那份和谐。第一次，这样的镜头不断的呈现在自己的脑海中，才体会到音乐真正的魅力。听到了悲伤的旋律时，眼前出现的是大片的落叶，一位女子在风中独自走在树林中间的下路上，沉思着，走着，脸上一丝凝重。一直到现在，那幅景色依然犹新。Adriaan穿着件黑色的衬衫，破旧的牛仔裤，赤着脚（穿了袜子的），专注弹奏感情的样子也很让人陶醉呢。家中的书和鞋子随便的放在木地板上，只有收集的音乐CD整齐的摆放在架子中，这样随意的男人，有时候，给人感觉也是很有魅力的。当然现实并不是一部钢琴曲，弹奏钢琴的男人不总是浪漫柔情的，只要捕捉到那生活中的一瞬间的颤动，便是美好。

今天把从国内带回来的普洱茶饼敲开来泡，红红的茶水，让我记起了云南乡村的悠闲日子，放假的感觉还真好。在大宅院里，背后青山，和老板娘一边闲聊，一边喝着功夫茶。空气无比的清新，心情也无比的开阔。虽然现在在家中，没了那神仙般的意境，可还能喝一杯暖暖的正宗普洱还是不错的。晚上电视上竟然播放《You've got mail》这老电影，看了不知道N编，依然座下来看完了。他问我为什么要看这电影，回答到，这曾经是我年轻时最喜欢的电影之一，看完后，他说，他明白了，因为典型的那种美国式浪漫情节。我嘻嘻的偷笑，好像永远生活在云朵之上，正如片尾梅格瑞恩和汤姆汉克斯在公园相遇时响起的曲子《somewhere over the rainbow》，生活永远是美好的，充满了春天，诗意以及浪漫。自己从小都属于幻想派，至今还是，尽管妈妈和他老是嘱咐自己要回到现实中，可是习惯了，常常不知道脑袋中的思绪飘到了什么地方。回到现实中来，今天中午和他跑出去吃三明治，吃完一时兴起跑去看车。没车真不方便，去购物，去吃早点，去咖啡馆，去找朋友，去上班，去上学都要坐公交，这样一来，一天来来回回花的钱也不少。如果要去稍微远的地方，就坐火车，贵死而且不方便。虽然没那么多钱买车，还是跑去了BMW，最便宜的一款什么都弄好也要差不多28万人民币，俺喜欢，他也喜欢，憧憬下，谁叫我们都生活在somewhere over the rainbow呢？不过，开宝马的感觉真的跟其他的车不一样呢，感觉很爽，马达动力巨强，很sportive，哈哈。开完了去Mercedes-Benz，觉得都没有BMW的感觉好，哎呀，像我这样车盲，对车一点都不感冒的人都想有辆宝马了呢，呵呵，做梦吧，多做做，虽然说不定我们就有了呢，哈哈。

"You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you"

- Barry Manilow, Can't Smile Without You
晚上回家时已经8点多了，从一个Party上回来，人家搬了新家，邀请了不少于五六十位客人来庆祝。葡萄酒，小点心，西班牙海鲜饭，一个跟一个的，人来了那么多，花园站的满满，还请来乐队现场演唱爵士音乐。这样的场面让人很累，认识的人极少，聊天都是要么正儿八经要么就极为细琐的小事，很没有意思。撑了3个多小时，拉着他回家了。到了门口，抬头看见夜空中的圆月，那个大那个亮，一下想起来现在已经是中秋了。好像每次中秋的时候都看到圆月，充满了惆怅，独自一人在他乡，是有那么一点不好受。今年又没有吃到月饼 ：（

在家里偷懒，打开电脑听听音乐看看新闻，没有想及太多的事情，松散的一天。似乎前两天把脑袋中想到的都倾诉出来了，终于可以得到写片刻的宁静。现在的天气多变，前天还穿着T恤和拖鞋，走在街上晒太阳晒的很舒服，今天却冷着穿外套。正好，不用跑到外面去了，在家里给自己做了三个小菜来当午餐，好久没有这样下功夫给自己弄点食物了，到觉得十分的惬意。很庆幸，小马和星瑞同学那天在leuven给我听了王若琳的歌，虽然在布鲁塞尔的时候小马同学就提过，但是对于王若琳自己实在一无所知，没想到在他们家听到的竟然是一个具有灵魂的女声，极其的给人温暖的感觉，一口纯正的英文，完全没有那种生硬的国语口音。风格跟Norah Jones相像，却有其特点，听了一首又一首，一点没有厌倦的感觉。在国内的时候想要买点国内的音乐回去，可是一点都摸不到线索，而且音像店的小男生一直给我推荐那些老一代人的歌，我说我想听听当前的，可他还一个尽的这个那个的。为什么从来没有别人给我推荐过王若琳呢？为什么也没有在其他的地方看到有人提及过呢？在网上下了她的几首歌，包括《I love you》、《The best mistake i've ever made》、《Let's start from here》，一个人悠哉的听了一下午，舒服极了。说实话，有点羡慕小马和星瑞同学的幸福生活呢，可以在属于自己的小屋中听听音乐，做做饭，养养花，出去散散步，不很好么？

这今天跟朋友很多次聊到了古典音乐，虽然自己是那种听到什么好听的都要听听的人，但是却从来不专门记什么演唱者曲名或者歌词，以至于经常跟人谈音乐的时候常常充傻瓜，一问三不知。王菲的歌已经好久没怎么听了，转为西方流行音乐，要么就是pop要么就是alternative，只为了好听。从认识他在一起，渐渐喜欢上了听古典音乐。家中的厨房，还有浴室经常会放一些古典音乐，无论做饭或者洗漱，似乎很会享受的样子。很多古典音乐只是听着，名字叫不出来，能跟着哼几句，虽然刺耳走调，可是心中还是万分愉快的。不能说娶了一个外国老公，文化上的交流就一无是处，想想三年的时间从他身上还受到了不少文化上的熏陶，只是我们孔子墨子庄子等的博大文化实在在他的身上不怎么受用，就连中国饮食文化他都未尝学上两手，只能迁就他了。听古典音乐，最多的歌剧，然后是交响曲中的一些经典。在威尼斯，两人下午穿梭在布满刚多拉的河道上，参观着广场庭院，很意外的来到了一家教堂，里面放着《四季》的音乐。悠扬动听，十分符合当时的心情，以及威尼斯的浪漫之情。走进去，发现晚上会有演奏，于是买了票，听了平生第一次现场音乐会。感动的一塌糊涂，只记得演出的地点是一座古老的教堂，里面的天花板上画满了珍贵的油画，暗淡的烛光加上特有的香蕈让整个教堂充满了历史感。就这样，小提琴的旋律飘耳朵中，陶醉。前几天在布鲁塞尔的大广场中和他散布，还听到街头艺人在演奏其中的冬季一曲，立马心情舒畅起来。小马说他在巴黎街头听到有人演奏巴赫的大提琴曲，然后呆上那里一直听一个多小时，如果是我，我也会做出这样的事情来，毕竟在生活中寻求一份平凡而真实的感动实在太不容易。很多时候，偶然一段旋律流入心中，便会让生活美好很多。我们的婚礼，也放的是经过我们细心挑选的古典音乐，其中的歌剧《ombra mai fu》被我们称为our song。在绿阴下，跟爱情没有太大的关系，但是每每听到都会被打动，充满了希望和幸福。也忘记了究竟是什么时候第一次听到这歌剧的，反正后来就成我们的最爱。慢慢的开始听其他的歌剧，在瑞士的一个小城中还跟朋友一起看了现场的《Aida》。在罗马竞技场中，观众非常之多，夕阳落下，时光仿佛流会到古埃及时代中，年轻的元帅跟作为女仆的阿伊达的爱情缓缓展开。之后还有好多歌剧都很喜欢，只是大多数叫不出来名字。最近听的多的是芭蕾《胡桃夹子》中的pas de deux:intrada，第一次听是，赵文博和申雪在2003年世界花样滑冰大奖赛表演中，他们很完美的演绎了一段冰上芭蕾，而那曲子也从此印在了自己的心里。前段时间看到芭蕾《胡桃夹子》在年末到比利时上演，兴奋了一阵，这个童年时候的故事，如今又来到了身边，一定不会错过的。

往事不要再提 人生已多风雨 纵然记忆抹不去 爱与恨都还在心里
真的要断了过去 让明天好好继续 你就不要再苦苦追问我的消息
爱情它是个难题 让人目眩神迷 忘了痛或许可以 忘了你却太不容易
你不曾真的离去 你始终在我心里 我对你仍有爱意我对自己无能为力
因为我仍有梦 依然将你放在我心中 总是容易被往事打动 总是为了你心痛

凌晨3点已过，才爬到床上睡觉。脑袋中装了很多的东西，辗转反侧还不停的思考着某事某人某段文字。晚上，无意翻自己以前在天涯写的帖子，其中是2年前的新年夜时写的纪念三毛的文章。有人说，喜欢三毛是因为荷西，这样一个单纯炙热，长着闹腮胡，黑头发的西班牙男孩。三毛那段关于自己与荷西的爱情故事是我最钟爱的，清醇的爱恋是每个做梦人所渴求的，给人无比的安慰。 在梦中，梦到了高中时候的同学D，模糊的梦境中，我回到了高中的宿舍时代，而他却接受了我对他的感情，两人成了一对新鲜恋人。很现实的细节在梦中出现，比如早上起床一起刷牙，比如整理床被时的话语，连梦中自己都怀疑眼前的这一切是不是真的。不知道该怎样解释，只觉得很温暖，这个好几年都没有音信的人，出现在自己的梦中，放下了所有的傲气和纠缠，终于两个人在一起了。醒来，想起张国容唱的《当爱已成往事》，感叹着，往事还是不要在提了吧，只感激当我们一无所有时，至少还有梦。

说点离题的话，今天给妈妈了电话，新房已经装修好，妈妈已经搬进去住，让自己感觉很欣慰。妈妈天天忙碌，现在有个舒适的环境，实在是很开心的事情。电话中，妈妈说我玩心太大，只知道玩，应该开始脚搭实地想着工作。其实也不是不想，只是自己眼高手低，想做的东西许多，但是能换来钞票的几乎没有。摄影，写文章，翻译，导游，都是奢侈的事情啊，而且自己的水平不到，干着急。新学期快开始了，看了看课程，只有星期一星期三有课。但是这个学期要选修8学分其他专业的课程，还不知道选什么，大概是什么欧洲文学艺术或者和文化语言有关的吧，这样一来还不知道课程到底怎么安排。另外这个学期想去专业学摄影，而且每个星期锻炼打羽毛球，让自己的学习生活丰富起来，多读几本书，让自己的头脑灵光起来。最重要的是这学期的毕业论文，要用荷兰文写，要读这读那。这样一安排，我的老妈，俺还有什么时间去打工呢？神啊，救救我吧。

After seeing Mario and Ray off at the station, Jos and I went to the same cafe and started to work on our own stuff. In a another word, I write my blog and he browses all the art websites. This weekend has been amazing, thanks to the companion of Mario and Ray. I couldn't remember when it's the last time since I had so much fun, watching Hairspray, singing old goodie songs, walking at night down the streets, drinking cocktails, cooking together, etc...It seems pointless now to go through what has happened in detail, because some things, it's better to keep them inside. Memories could look more beautiful than reality, as mario might put it. Well, I agree.While we were biting our sandwiches in a bar, a blond guy sat down and asked for newspaper in a tender voice, smiling. Nothing couldn't be more pleasant than a friendly smile when the day starts. He reminded me of Remie, my french teacher in Wuhan, with whom I traveled across Cambodia chasing dreams, worshipping gods, and talking about life in the vast tropical jungle. i don't know if this kind of reminder is always a pleasant thing but it surely makes me wonder: why do we hang on to the past so much? or it's just me? There are different kinds of memories buried at the bottom of one's heart. Some kind, just like a classic musical "Grease", when the familiar rhythm flies into your ears, you can't help but tip your toes, move your body and even rush out to dance on the street as if your body is out of control and more important it makes you suddenly very much alive again. Some other kind of memories, you only share it with special people at special moments. You might gasp, might wanna shed a few tears, might pretend that everything is fine now while somehow it still pains you in some way somewhere. I don't know how many people have even been heart-broken before. Does that mean even if now we have a perfect-looking life with a perfect-loving someone towards a perfect-promising future, our heart is still broken? If so, then the question is how we can ever mend a broken heart????? If people say: behind every heart-broken story there must be a "truly madly deeply" love. Then how much were we in love? What has really happened? And is that true that love blinds us to see the "cracks" on the oracle bones?

PS: Sorry to post your photos in this moody article, Mario&Ray, but i did enjoy myself very very much last weekend. So did Jos :)

这两天一直都忙着大扫除，平时懒散习惯了，到了大扫除才知道不容易啊。不能说，明天有朋友来拜访所以两个人才那么积极，但50％的动力应该来源于此吧，呵呵。把家里差不多翻腾了一便，可是东西还是N多，要熨的衣服，他画廊里的18般武器，还有这画那画，加上电脑相机这些经常用到的东西，看了看，觉得成效还是不大，真是扫兴。不知道为什么家里堆了那么多东西，可怕。真的佩服那些把家里整理的干干净净整整齐齐的人啊，竖起两根大拇指。今天下午去了漫画博物馆，把修改过的翻译稿给了他们，还跟着导游转了一下博物馆。上次他们说如果我愿意可以给他们当中文和英文的导游，今天就是去看看到底怎么导游的，学学经验。今年是蓝精灵50周年纪念日，这群伴随着自己长大的小家伙们原来正宗的比利时人，这点到没有想到。想起来卡通片中的蓝爸爸、蓝妹妹、笨笨、聪聪，还有大坏蛋格格屋和他的猫，就觉得童年时光是如此的快乐。在博物馆的中，正举行关于蓝精灵的展览，看到那些熟悉的形象感觉很亲切。结束后，跑到博物馆的商店中买下了平生第一个蓝精灵，呵呵。 今天看到一个人在网上说：most guys get drunk and wake up next to men they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. 觉得这样很好，正巧在自己经常去的cafe见过他几次，帅哥一个，笑起来很阳光甜美，眼睛湛蓝，加上这样暖洋洋的性格，喜欢啊。

从国内回来才半个月，又开始YY国内的美食了，更离谱的是，晚上睡觉做梦，梦到在一菜市场里看到买新鲜蘑菇的，各种各样的蘑菇啊。估计是这次在云南吃菌子吃得留下后裔症了，什么牛肝菌，鸡纵菌的都跑到俺的梦里了。我高兴的合不上嘴，一边笑嘻嘻问人家小贩，这些新鲜蘑菇是怎么弄来的啊，一边伸手挑蘑菇！幸福啊，幸福啊，哈哈。一堆堆好吃的菌子中，决定要买竹荪来做汤，新鲜的竹荪啊，做出来汤要多鲜美就多鲜美，哈哈。在家的时候，妈妈用竹荪、丝瓜、鳕鱼和鸡蛋弄的汤味道好极了，手里拿着挑好的竹荪想着汤的美味，太开心了。。。。。。估计是太激动了。。。梦醒了。。。。。意识到身在比国，心中一丝悔恨啊。。。

Living in a city like Brussels, you’ve got to figure out ways to be happy with whatever it can offer. Learning how to make yourself a happy day isn’t that totally easy, but as time goes by, you could pick up a trick or two. The big question is: Do you deserve a spoiling good time, no matter with your friends or alone? Since I am officially old now from today (26, going on 30), my answer should be more likely: hmmmm, yes, i think so. why not! So I put on my nice looking cashmere sweater, grabbed my armani bag, macbook, ipod and was ready to go. The breeze was very comfortable outside. It’s almost fall. The color of the trees was still green, but leaves fell from the sky, like nothing could stop another circle of life. When I was hopping on and off busses and trams in the city, I kept wondering: Why do I feel so good right now even when there is not much going on? It didn’t bother me to find an answer to this question. I simply enjoyed, enjoyed the every bit that this city has to offer. Sitting in my favorite late breakfast cafe, le pain quotidien, I ordered melon et jambon cru. In order not to miss any good bit of it, I also asked for a glass of white wine. Alone, in a cafe, having delicious food while not feeling lonely, I have to admit that this feeling is magnificent! Two boys walked in and chose a table in front to sit down. They were apparently new lovers. I could tell from the way they looked at each other. Soon, they were holding hands on the table, smiling at each other. All out of sudden the mood for love magically appeared. I remembered last night he told me a story about a very famous carnival in England. After the old carnival died, people discovered that in his will he wished to be buried next to his male lover whom he loved for all his life. The story happened in the 19th century, but surprisingly the people from his village followed his wish and buried him next to this lover. There was a slight warm feeling coming up from my heart. It’s kind of romantic, no? To be buried with the one that you have loved, and together enjoy the eternity. When it comes to the mood for love, it’s exactly what this city lacks.

9月1号，我的生日，早上被Mario和Ray的短信叫醒(他们两人用一个手机，也不知道到底是谁发的，Jos还为这个纠缠了我半天)，兴奋的跳下床来查阅短信，他说：have a smashing birthday(过一个美妙／非常痛快的生日)。第一次看到用smashing做形容词，觉得好是奇怪，第一反应就是脑海中飘过的是盘子碟子漫天飞的图像，呵呵。回短信他，说自己会努力smashing的。其实每到过生日都要来情绪，因为始终放下不了种种期待，而现实生活确是极度平淡。生日说百了也就是一年中平凡的一天，没有什么与众不同，但是一旦冠上了“一年一次”的字眼，就变的特别的跋扈，不可一世。一到了生日，每个人都认为自己值得过一个美美满满快快乐乐的生日，在国内，有朋友来一起庆祝，大家吃喝玩乐乐不思蜀。可在这边理想跟现实的差距每到这个时候就让人体会的透彻。干脆什么都没有安排，该怎么过还是怎么过吧。

一天中陆续收到朋友的还有一些注册网站的生日祝福，前天的时候Jan第一个在网上给我说生日快乐时，让我的心情好了整整一天，今天反而却兴奋不起来。昨天和他坐火车去Antwerpen，跟Paul和Noel吃了剛到季節上市的新鮮青口，然後去了運河港口散步。當時天氣有些沈悶，太陽被灰雲遮住，是那樣暴風雨前夕的燥熱，帶了河邊，Noel帶我們去看人造沙灘，很小的地方人卻很多，看著那些所謂的型男俊女穿著泳裝在那些小塊人造沙地上像模像樣的晒著被烏雲遮住的太陽，覺得風趣極了。接著大家一起踩馬路，乘電車去酒吧喝東西，聊天開玩笑等等，忘記了生日，卻感覺放鬆許多。Antwerpen是一個smashing city，來的次數多了逐漸開始看到一些與眾不同的地方，開始欣賞那些陳跡在城市中每個角落中的歷史文化還有故事。

有時候其實快樂很簡單，就像前天收到生日祝福後，走在街上的那種腳步輕快的感覺，還有後來午時在自己經常光顧的le pain quotidien的陽台上享受一頓遲到的早餐，在用餐空隙觀看其他食客的表情，猜想他們生活中發生的種種，或者在自己的電腦上完成幾頁文字的翻譯。然後喝完一杯咖啡後，穿過販賣古董的跳蚤市場，在他的畫廊中和他見面等他下班後一起坐車回家。就像昨天從Antwerpen回來，晚上在家里整理一天拍的照片，仔細篩選，發到網上。這可能是因為沒有太多的期待，所以才更加的注重那些簡單快樂的細節把。

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
 Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music."

- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

After having a busy day yesterday meeting friends and shouting at people, I chose to go out for some drinks and, when back home, a few episodes of "Sex and the city" to cool my head down. When Carrie met Burger, another writer, sweet, simple and honest who by the way listens to sound record to sleep to each night, she used the words "Zsa Zsa Zsu"-the butterflies in your stomach, or as put it in a Chinese way, little running dears in your chest.

Then it came to me when it's the last time since i had these "zsa zsa zsu"? It took me no time to realize it's been too long to figure it out. I gave up, went on watching TV, but kept on wondering as if it casted a spell in my mind, the magical zsa zsa zsu. When you get older, you become more practical and more cynical in a way that all the romances and fantasies fade and become secondary. When we meet someone, we tend to give the other people the very best impression. Thinking of the transition we have made, from the old us to the brand new us, I wonder whether it's all totally necessary? Before we meet a guy or a girl, we think about what to dress (Of course, you have to do a lot of shopping before you can get there), then shower, facial, which perfume to wear, what to carry, shoes (always important)...just in order to get the perfect look. As soon as we meet the guy or the girl, we have to play smart, but not too smart so that people might think you are arrogant. Find good topics, pay attention to the manners, show some interesting sides of you, also special sides, but not too special so that people think you are from another planet...All these! No wonder we don't have the zsa zsa zsu anymore. It's already been strangulated before it gets a chance to work out its magic on us.

Relationship is a complicated matter. We try to be close to each other but we also want to hold on to our own space. We worry too much. Even when two strangers meet for the first time, there are loads of rules to follow. When I think about my zsa zsa zsu's, it's all far in the past when I was still this kid who dreamt a lot just about every possibilities and who was dying to grow up. My biggest zsa zsa zsu was actually the most natural one. For so many years, it's still right there, in the bottom of my heart. It gives me a slight sense of security, despite the heart-broken dramas of the story, because I know it belongs to me. I could have it for as long as I want and when i need, i could dig it out, thinking about those sweet moments and hoping the memory can give me once again the feeling of the zsa zsa zsu that i know will never happen again.

Besides Xingray and Mario, I met Peter yesterday, twice, the Peter who returned from China after one year's stay in Beijing. The encounters caught me off guard, one time in the library where I needed to find a book for my paper, then the second time on the street around 10pm when I needed to catch the bus back home. We talked, smiled, exchanged expressions...surely no Zsa zsa zsu, but it made me very happy because it simply just did. Then It stroke me how pleasant it is not to try so hard. Being caught off guard so that we could enjoy a few minutes without being pretentious.

At home, I turned on my ipod and the music of "Eyes on me" flew out of the speaker at a silent night. An old song which sounds odd in English, but the very song that I loved. "Whenever sang my song, on the stage on my own. Whenever said my words, wishing they could be heard...I kind of liked your way how you shyly placed your eyes on me, oh did you ever know that I had mine on you... " With the music at the background, I went threw a few pages of the books I borrowed from the library. One was about Chinoserie, a western fantasy over China projected on many kinds of art-forms. For me it's fascinating to see that people here actually fantasied about something that was so far far away even most of them had never been to the mysterious Cathy. But they chased their instinct and created millions of arts where they found inspiration, aesthetic feeling and maybe hope. So, if Chinoserie could be created and achieved its popularity, why couldn't we just chase our dream or fantasy? no fuss no wuss! and be who we really are...maybe the zsa zsa zsu will just come along...

Innocence, a word that tends to be forgotten as we grow older. There was a movie on TV last night, . I just saw the beginning where Fanny met her dreamy Charles and ran off with him together from the brothel. Then they made love. Fanny gave her virginity/her innocence to Charles, had his baby, fell in love for good…Then the tragedy followed. Charles’ father refused her because she once refused to sleep with him (some story we got here)…blah blah blah…she got separated from his love, lost the baby, made a lot of debts. Finally she had no other choice but started whoring in order to survive. And she enjoyed it! Well, I didn’t finish the movie, coz it’s interrupted by some stuff. Today I googled it. To my surprise, it used to be a very controversial erotic novel that was banned for 200 years in Europe. The ending is at least comforting. Fanny finally met her Charles on the street on day and they lived happily after. It did sweep me off the floor at the very beginning, the story how they met each other. Just one look, they fell in love. All the sweet words, all the tender looks, all the promises, all the innocence! What more can I say? Love at first sight, sweet boy and sweet girl, like everyone has dreamt of. After everything happened, she lost her innocence, but still she had her happy ending. It makes me wonder: Do we need to be defined good or bad by our innocence? In this case, what is “innocence” anyway? Don’t we just have to deal with our lives no matter how far innocence away from us? Well, i am determined to buy this book and read, hopefully figure it out :)