Life in Brussels

After seeing three movies in two days on gay romances, I couldn't help but wonder "Is life itself too much movie-lized with all the doctrines about unrealistic love and emotions that we have convinced ourselves real. If the movie blurs the line between reality and idealism, is it a good thing? or it just makes hope become hopeless, reality more cruel and people more desperate? Where did those "perfect" scenario's come from and they just pop into our lives and become the stick-yards measuring up our happiness and sadness? If our life is not a movie, then is it meaningful? Or since when and why have we become romance-intolerant?" It's not a bad thing that gay film festival takes off in the city twice or even three times per year. On such occasion, gays in the city, no matter single or not, would show up in their finest clothes with their accessories in some 2nd class cinema, hoping to see and to be seen. It's nice to bump into friends that you may or may not know well, exchanges a few hugs and chatlines in the cafe where flyers on gay rights are hung everywhere and very manly lesbians shout out the info on the coming gay parties.

So, as a young man who happens to from time to time need a bit of socializing in order to get his mind off the overwhelmingly stressful school assignment, I decided to go. Days are getting colder and colder. It just snowed very heavily last friday night when I was on the way to badminton. I couldn't remember when it's the last time to have so much snow, either in China or in Belgium. Everything that snow reminded me of was my childhood, winter in my hometown when the Chinese new year would bring families from different cities together. Then it would snow turning the world into a white kingdom. There were endless laughters. Kids were doing things that were appropriate for kids to do, setting off fireworks at night, climbing the very little hill in the only park in the city, and of course, buying snacks on the streets.Well, adults, they were just busy with preparing delicious meals for the festival days and days. For me, while the house made of sweets and candies was a mere incomprehensible fairy tale that happened somewhere far far far away, I loved every bit of that time, at least when i think of it now. The snow is as if a catalyst that accelerates emotions, turning them up and down, even though on the surface, everything might seem just fine.

Back to the movies. I don't particularly like or dislike either of them. Three of them are very different in the style of shooting, the stories, the themes they hope to deliver to the audiences. The first one "redwoods" is purely romantic, depicting a young guy who has a steady life with his boyfriend, comes across with a young handsome writer who has lost his way in the redwoods. Then, love sparkles and lights up the life of both souls. It's so romantic and it happens so natural and a way that everyone could say, well, it's my perfect ideal love. However, it makes me think, "Can things that natural actually be natural? Can love happen without all the obstacles for both to conquer? What are the chances, two people just instantly connects without the chemistry ever ever fading away?" A perfect love, a perfect romance, it makes me somehow uncomfortable, but to my greatest horror, in order to perpetuate this romance, the director has to let one of them die at the ending, leaving the other commemorate this love forever. "Does the director do have to play the death-sublimate-love card?" I asked myself. Then it hit me. "Since when have I become so cynical?" If it was a few years ago, take it 3 or 4, I would be feeling touched or impossibly would have sheared my tears. But now, while I was sitting there, picking up a bit of sound of murmuring and weeping from here and there, I could never have felt the world would be ever more stranger. Then I looked up at the people around, I felt like there's no mean for me to understand them.

Later, I told myself that I was too settled now to remember the power of hope and longing that drives people to be sensitive and keep dreaming that one day something as perfect as that might happen to themselves. I used to be one of them. I forgot how hard it was to be left all alone, wishing for a love without flaws. Then, I started to wonder, If the perfect love does come along one day, will it just stay like that? What does it take to perpetuate the perfect love so that the movie of life could go on and on? How can we live happily ever after? Is a happy ending possible in this life because no one can predict its script and how it will end? And most importantly, what kind of impact does this idealism have on our life? Is it making our life better or just harder? On the way home, I shared a few of my questions with Jos. He carelessly questioned, "What do you think how it's like 50 years ago, without the movie and tv all these staff? Was people's life, to be more exact their perception of love and romance, different from now?" I didn't bother to struggle much to find an answer. "They had books!!!" I told myself secretly.

The second movie "Walk on water" was about a Jewish agent working for mossard organization in Israel getting close to a german young man and his sister in order to get information and finally terminate their grandfather who was a Nazi official but escaped to face the justice after the WWII. I liked how the movie was carried out, no big lectures on life and love, there is something trivial about it, about life. Suicide bombing took place once or twice a day. Everytime it happened, the radio would play soft music to comfort the suffering souls. When they came to the sea of Galilee where everything started, where Jesus was said to walk on the water in front of his disciples. The young man said, only we have to purify ourselves, our hearts until it's no flaws, then we too can walk on water. They went on journey, during which discoveries were made, related to inner side of human being. I love the insignificant way that everything, including conversations and facial expressions, eye contacts, emerged. My mind was quiet and peaceful, questions not popping up one after another. I simply watched the movie, in bed at the deep night.

How I adore this triviality of life. The next morning, while still lying in bed, my dear friend Jan from Rotterdam was telling me that he was having a fabulous time all for himself, a bottle of champagne, a few bars of dark chocolates from Galler, his favorite brand, and some book at hand. I smiled, although he couldn't see it. Why not! Why not give yourself a fabulous time while you can. Why not enjoy life as it is and make the best out of it. Why not, just for a moment, forget all about the miseries and dramas. This is how i usually picture my happy moments of life. It doesn't matter where, when and what I do. In some way, somehow, the joy will overflow my heart. And I feel alive. This triviality, which is registered so perfectly in my favorite passage of the book "Giovanni's Room", makes everything so bright and positive that everything, absolutely everything, seems so perfect. Here it goes:

"We had bought a kilo of cherries and we were eating them as we walked along. We were both insufferably childish and high-spirited that afternoon and the spectacle we presented, two grown men, jostling each other on the wide sidewalk, and aiming the cherry-pips, as though they were spitballs, into each other's faces, must have been outrageous. And I realized that such childishness was fantastic at my age and the happiness out of which it sprang yet more so; for that moment I really loved Giovanni, who had never seemed more beautiful than he was that afternoon. And, watching his face, I realized that it meant much to me that I could make his face so bright. I saw that I might be willing to give a great deal not to loose that power. I felt myself flow toward him, as a river rushes when the ice breaks up“。

PS: As a result of recent reading of academic articles and the constant indoctrination by diligent professors that we should always think critically and pose questions, I am very aware of the paradox of such a self-reflection. Surely, many of the questions can't be answered. And besides there are no tailor-made easy answers always available in life. I am not seeking for answers. It's the quality of meditation and reflection that truely matter.

考完了第二门试，脱了一层皮，送了一口气。感觉这年头考试跟自残似的，非要折腾到没力气折腾了，到了那种好坏随他去的豪迈才肯罢休。考试完，就抓紧时间赶车回布鲁塞尔，天气贼冷贼冷，雪一化，气温又降了，加上阴霾的天气，叫人从骨子里冷。这一冬天家里停暖气的时候屈指可数，太冷了，晚上睡觉的时候也开着，人走的时候也开着，这下想着煤气费，又要心疼了，在比利时这油烟酱醋茶的日子还是很不菲的。坐上公交，刚坐稳拿出来课本继续复习下一门考试的内容，结果邻居忽然来了句“你好”，我回眼一看，一非洲黑人冲我笑嘻嘻的，然后又来了句“我看你看中文的书，我也会说中文，想跟你聊天。”这一下把我的心思完全从课本上拉跑了。哇塞，他说的还真好，没有外国人普遍存在的口音，四种语调很到位，一问，人家才学了1年，大多数自学，跟着cctv4，还有网络上的东西，厉害厉害。喀麦隆来的，他说，他在喀麦隆的时候，某一天，好多中国人跑到那里坐生意，开了好多店啥的，然后学习中文的梦想就这样生根发芽了。他决心学习中文，而且有个中国梦，想要去中国看看，学习文化历史，而且他坚信以后的世界属于中国的，听的我好是震惊好是兴奋。他还说，四川地震的时候，他追着报道看，还扇然落泪。说的我，都不知道该怎样回答，现在海地发生大地震，死伤无数，报道也是铺天盖地的，救援不断前往受灾地区，可是周围的人生活还是那样的继续，更不用提四川地震的时候了。不过能看到一个跟中国毫没有关系的人有这样的志愿和想法，忽然心里放佛感受到了些什么，前几天他给我看报纸上的一片报道，说是留学生都纷纷回国，因为那里发展机会比这里大很大，待遇好很大，更重要的是在国内自己可以挺直腰杆的去做。自己在公交上，从他的话语里第一次深刻的感受到了中国的强大，尽管还有很多负面的东西，还是很自豪的。

最近好像又看到好多人出去旅游呢，自己刚从纽约回来，可是看到人家出去就无比的羡慕。今天看到有人去罗马，自己也想去，想到了罗马城市中风情种种的小巷，还有梵蒂冈博物馆中看不厌倦的艺术瑰宝，还有许愿泉，贝尼尼的雕塑等等。都说，到了罗马，在许愿泉许愿的人，一定要在回罗马的。自己去过的这些城市中，虽然各有各的特色，但是罗马给人的感觉真的很放松惬意，在这个城市里，很有电影感，连那些电影中频繁出现的骑电车的小伙子，都是真真实实的。看到黯更新了博客，原来她跑去了丽江，写的文字依然还是那么的黯，活的过的也是那么的黯，真有她的。她说去了束河，后面的街头不错。去年去丽江的时候，我们就在束河后面的村子里的一家两层私家大院住的，院子后面就是山头，老板娘的儿子特乖特灵，叫我叔叔，还拉着我爬山头去看束河全景和玉龙雪山。束河没有大研古城那么的喧哗，游客都扎堆的跑到大研，夜幕降临时，束河一片寂静，河水潺潺，坐在咖啡屋的阳台上的大竹椅上，特舒坦。忘记了叫啥名字，反正去了一那个那个将丽江介绍给世界的那个外国人的故居，在往山上走可以骑马，山腰间是一片平坦的的草地，天阴晴交替着，云低沉的很，有种别样的气氛。就这样，马儿奔腾起来，那个过瘾那个解脱。到是黯说的白沙村，我印象中，是那个白沙壁画的地方吧，我们只去看了壁画，很是喜欢，壁画这东西在国内很是宝贵，能亲眼看到保存下来栩栩如生的佛教壁画，很是兴奋。不过，总体来说，丽江的印象不如5年前第一次去的感觉好，到是大理给自己留下了很深的印象呢。特别是开车绕到洱海对面去赶集，一程下来收获丰盛。不知道什么时候才能在去旅游，四月？也不知道下次旅行的目的地是哪里？布拉格？还是西班牙？或者自驾英格兰？有期待也是好的。。。

老妈在电话里抱怨说纽约的视频看不到，我就贴几张照片出来哈。

自从纽约回来，就没有更新空间了，因为要考试，回来后就只光看书，糊糊涂涂的过了元旦，告别了2009。比利时一直都很冷，零下的温度，这几天又开始纷纷的小起雪来。今早去鲁汶考试时，走过图书馆前的广场，正是飞雪漫漫缤纷，从空中撒下来，无比的悠扬轻快，白茫茫的蒙胧让自己心情舒畅。第一门考试发挥的还可以，每到考试期间万般的煎熬，总是也习惯不了这些莫大的压力。这几天深夜在床上辗转反侧，迟迟不能入睡，脑袋中胡思乱想着，无数的事情和场景让自己展开来，无论是以前发生的还是未来计划的，都这样一股脑的如同电影不间断的跑了出来，等自己睡着了也已快凌晨。昨晚，没有去打球，自己留在家里复习，他吃饭后，给邻居还东西，结果一消失就是4个消失，等到快凌晨才回来，喝的醉意隆隆，兴致欢快。自己是多少有点嫉妒，美酒与朋友，都没有我的份，很是不快。不过，他开心，自己还是心里面开心的，于是就不跟他计较甩下我一人独自寻欢了，呵呵。

在复习的空隙，去看了电影Avatar，读了一点从纽约买回来的一些书。其中有一本甚是喜爱，《Sweet-Sour Memoir of Eating in China》，讲的是一位英国女生在90年代成都留学时跟川菜展開的一場纏綿的情懷。書里對川菜的誘惑，還有成都生活的那種瀟灑，描寫的淋漓盡致，讀的時候，不僅懷念那些美味的佳餚，還有一份生活中的愜意。只是，在晚上讀了之後，滿腦里都是吃的吃的，白天讀了，就忍不住自己要動手燒上幾道菜來解解饞，過過癮，這也算是苦中之樂，樂中之苦吧。 PS:家里的那盆蘭花，在過了一花期之後，現在竟然一朵朵的又盛開起來，枝頭的花苞蠢蠢慾動，幾天就有一朵新的花朵綻放出來，看了好是歡欣。這花大概是6月份的時候買回來，他去醫院檢查那會兒，自己去醫院看他時買的。店主說，每周一次水，開過的花枝修剪修剪。沒有想到，一直到現在接連不斷的開著。坐下來吃早餐，看著窗台前的花，莫名的覺得開心，呵呵。

很幸运，在去纽约的前一天，欧洲下大雪，美国东北部也下大雪。到了纽约，白雪覆盖着城市，一个白色的圣诞节，多么的不容易啊。乘坐法航的新A380前往纽约，结果去的时候因为机械检查延误了三个小时，回来因为加强安检又延误了2个半小时，不过飞机真的很安静，空间宽敞些。纽约，纽约，很久以前曾经向往过有那么一天去这个big apple看一看，终于愿望实现了，而且这次旅行非常的开心。一直以为纽约是一个大都市，比北京上海伦敦混杂些，高楼多些，但是这次去了，视觉上的震撼非常之大，酒店就在Time Square旁，到了酒店是晚上，出了地铁，就被眼前的无数巨大的显示屏和霓虹燈給震撼住了，簡直跟到了另外一個虛幻世界。這種感覺一定要自己去看去体验！去了Central Park，非常非常非常喜歡那裡，無論是風景，還是看著兒童滑雪，還是滑冰的人群，都讓人很愉快。然後去了帝國大廈的頂樓看Manhattan全貌，還有碼頭在輪渡上觀望自由女神。進了Chinatown，跟到了中國一樣，太嚇人了，理髮店，小吃店啥的到處是，不過呢，在那裡吃了一頓正宗的中餐，那個梅菜扣肉超好吃，好吃的讓人感動！在紐約壓馬路，拍照片，拍回來的8層都是摩天大樓，然後就是聖誕樹，rockfelle中心的圣诞树，最好看呢，精緻的很，实在用言语无法形容。我把照片做成了视频，好方便看，游记以后在补上。一個是facebook上，零一個是youtube，看哪個可以用。

又下了好多好多雪，地上的积雪很厚了，出门在市中心走了一圈，在鹅毛大雪中走路可真够累的，但是看着周围的雪景，还是很开心的。据说纽约也下了很大的雪，明天就出那里了，希望交通都没有什么更变。

雪停之后，出门去看雪景 ：）

今年的第一场雪下的好大好大，不敢开车了，就走着去了市中心，有没有雪，这圣诞的气氛就是不一样哈。

今天最后一天上课，完啦，学期终于结束了！虽然所谓的假期完全就是用来复习的，但是先休息，去纽约，过圣诞节在说啦！据天气预报，明天要下雪，虽然很冷很冷，但是今天早上做车去学校的时候路过一片片的田野树林，还有村庄，看到冰霜覆盖，白茫茫的景色，也十分的美丽呢。纽约比这里还要冷许多，今天他出门买来了大帽子，手套，还有秋裤，哈哈，准备充分！真不想像不出来我们两个头顶相同的大帽子在纽约街头走路的情景，这家伙看帽子也不知道买个不同的，笨！