Life in Brussels

昨天，一年一次的Sablon夜晚活动开始了。每到11月末，Sablon大大小小的商店都有三天的时间，把店子开到很晚，商店里准备好香槟美酒，还有小点心等等给客人。那是，Sablon广场上的会竖起圣诞树，四周的树木挂上彩灯，灯火辉煌，扑朔迷离。尽管每年这个时候都会下雨，可是还是有很多人西装革履，精心打扮候后前来。一到这个时候，就会觉得布鲁塞尔充满了节日的气氛，也不知道从哪里跑出来那么多的达人显贵，绅士美女，总之，让人很摸不清头脑，只觉得好纸醉金迷。广场上还会不时走来一辆辆的马车，在马蹄声下，在蒙胧灯火下，在被雨气湿润的空气里，石板路泛出点点青色，仿佛时光回到了中世纪。这种印象，是语言无法描述准确的，最重要的是置身其中去感受那氛围。在sablon转了一圈，听到了许多欢声笑语，看到了很多热情洋溢的笑容，尝到了香槟与热巧克力，当然还有古董珠宝艺术品家具等等。在家艺术书店里，有佳能摄影人员暂时搭的摄影工作室，给参观者拍照片。好受欢迎，众帅哥美女相继要求拍照片，摄影师简直有化腐朽为神奇的本事，把一个个人拍的很有味道，很专业呢。俺也凑了过去，来了一张，忽忽，只是得到的照片要扫描到电脑里，所以效果色彩等损失了许多，不过总体还是不错滴。让偶很是羡慕呢，一个简单的灯光打设，一个简单的图像处理过程，一个Canon 7D加闪光灯，就出来自己一直想要追求的效果，太太太神奇了。

昨晚睡觉睡的很早，刚过午夜就洗漱完穿进了被窝里。自己的生物钟完全跟常人的相悖而驰，一般是凌晨2点才睡。都是从国内上大学留下来的坏习惯，那时候总觉得老是疲乏，老是有睡不完的觉。躺在床上，怎么也睡不着，脑袋里开始回忆国内的事情，把大学什么样子的，楼啊，树啊，山啊的，都在脑袋里重新描绘了一边，又想起了一些零碎的事情，比如在学校计算机房里上网时有的时候要排很长很长的队，还有上昆虫课每次去实验室，因为老远，总是迟到，然后自己还琢磨把以前试验的简单步骤从新过了一边。接着，就是回想和同学发生的事情，在宿舍里晚上和他打电话一打打老长，要么睡觉的时候躺在被窝里发短信发到自己不知不觉的睡着，等等。那些花季雨季的事情，在一个夜晚里，显得特别的亲切又遥远。

给妈妈打电话，抱怨最近学习老累，她说，人家学生怎么不累哈。哎呀，说实话，如果真的一心当学生的话，这里的学习生活跟国内相比还真不繁重哪里去，即使读的东西多看的东西多作业多，可是有兴趣在，也不会觉得枯燥，相反完成了作业之后还有一定的成就感。国内的校园生活，填鸭式的教育，还有这些规矩那些规矩的，才让人身心疲惫。不过，在这里，自己也不是一个100％的学生，要经营两个人的生活，要有朋友交往，再说自己的年纪大了，对生活的需求肯定跟那些从这里上学出来的不一样的啦。虽然自己还没有到拖家带口那地步，但是还是有许多其他的东西要应酬要搭理的哈。

觉得这个学期过的飞快，放佛没多久才刚刚开学，现在还有3个星期学期就结束了，真可怕。等晃悟过来，时间biu的一下就过去了。自己买的书，还有从图书馆借来的书，已经在书橱前堆了一堆，才看了没几本，偶的天哪。马上就过圣诞节了，也意味着复习复习，还有两篇小论文要写，接下来考试，越想越可怕啊。不过，还是对12月份的纽约之旅充满了期待呢，呵呵。

And you should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is some thing in you that wants to move out of it. This very wish, if you use it calmly and prudently and like a tool, will help you spread out your solitude over a great distance. Most people have (with the help of conventions) turned their solutions toward what is easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must trust in what is difficult; everything alive trusts in it, everything, in Nature grows and defends itself any way it can and is spontaneously itself, tries to be itself at all costs and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it.

It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, for a long time ahead and far on into life, is: solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves.

------------- Rilke

周五很早的起床赶到安特卫普去，到了酒店黄蜀芹导演和助理已经在大厅里等了。前晚，在google上很快的收了收关于黄导演的资料，才知道原来电视剧《围城》便是黄导演的作品，巩俐也曾出演过她导演的电影，大人物啊。只是自己这被西化的一代，已经对老时代中国电影的概念所剩无几了，太惭愧了。黄导已过70高龄，可是气质和精神真是让人赞叹，带着她去参观了鲁本斯的故居还有一小博物馆，然后在安特的小街上踱步到大广场和河畔。黄导说很喜欢欧洲的小广场，天气好的时候，坐在露天阳台上喝杯咖啡，看看周围的古房子和人群，多惬意多享受。黄导对安特的感觉特好，啤酒好喝，咖啡好喝，建筑精致，人文浓厚。到了河畔，路边一排红色的房子，她喜欢极了，一直说，如果有摄像机，就好好的给这些房子等等拍拍。特意找了一间地道的餐馆，让她常常这里的国菜“海虹”，吃的极为尽兴。黄导，老说我可爱文静，哈哈，特别是喝了啤酒之后，脸色红晕的时候。下午5点的时候送导演回了酒店，完成了任务，也十分的开心，很荣幸能够跟导演一起游览安特呢。晚上叫了Kristof一起去Herent听中国琵琶和古筝的演奏会，弹琵琶的赵聪也是俺带着星期一的时候逛布鲁塞尔的，忽忽。好久没有听到中国古典音乐，忽然听到了，好亲切，也算一解思乡之愁。

大概是因为太过疲倦了，昨晚竟然睡的异常的香，没有任何的打扰，一觉睡到快到中午，呵呵，好舒服好畅快的感觉啊。梦里，记得带着一个人回国（记不清楚是谁了，还是在武汉，两个人打车要去假日酒店，哈哈），然后不知道怎么到了姐姐家，给舅舅和舅妈带了一大袋我家里一直在吃的泰国香米，哈哈。 昨天要去看Europalia举办的中国展系列活动中的主展览，“天子”，里面是一些从中国运来的古器珍宝。第一次看到了真的兵马俑，因为只有两个，所以没有太大的感觉，忽忽。到是周代的青铜器十分的精湛，古雅，非常喜欢。不过总体感觉还是一般般，没有什么亮点。因为学校组织的课外活动，必须要参加，很早就要起床去博物馆，2个小时多之后做车去Leuven继续上课，上到晚上8点。虽然晚上Leuven在万家灯火下，扑朔迷离，古色古香，可是没有太多的心情去领略。作业又多了起来，除了硕士论文和读的资料外，各科目的作业也一个个的来了，真郁闷。帮着Europalia在星期一带着来比利时表演的艺术家在布鲁塞尔转了转，明天又让我去安特卫普去带着中国大导演黄淑琴参观安特，7点就要起床出发，哎。PS:前几天的落枕，现在还没有完全好，脖子左边好不舒服。

It seems that I've had too much fun lately. The result is that I got punished finally. Waking up this morning from a huge pain in neck, I found out that it's barely possible to move my neck to the left without shouting out because of the pain. All the joy suddenly disappeared (Friday midnight's craziness at Chez Maman, Saturday night's laughter at the dinner with friends) and all that was left was a stiff neck. For hours, I struggled, rubbed my neck, used the spray for warming up muscles, ran hot water on it to relief the stiffness and most important of all the pain, but nothing helped. I called Jos who was in the gallery working and tried to explain him that I wanted a tiger balm. He didn't understand. So I called a friend who lives just 5 mins away and has tiger balm, but he said he didn't have time to bring it to me coz he had to go to play tennis and swim in one hour. Yeah, why did I even bother to call him in the first place? So much friendship anyway! Then I felt frustrated, as if the stiff neck alone was not bad enough. Now, everyone seemed to have abandoned me. I was left alone at home, without having breakfast, suffering from the awful awful awful neck pain. As usually, I started to miss home, terribly, miss mom. I remember clearly that last time when she was in Belgium, she had all the necessities with her, including the tiger balm. I tried one on before went to bed, despite her warning that I might not be able to fall asleep due to the powerful heat it'd generate. I thought, I was a big boy, so didn't take her words seriously. Then it turned out to be a nightmare, a sleepless night indeed. Oh, yeah, there was blood and sweat, and almost tears! The next morning when I told her, she laughed and I laughed too. I made myself some rice soup which I secretly learned from mum when she was cooking it here. Suddenly, I miss all these so much. No matter what I have been through, no matter how old I am, when it comes to certain circumstances, I am always mum's boy. And i need to feel at home now. Damn the stiff neck!

Bought a few books last evening, including my very first book of Rilke, "Letters to a young poet". I have heard of Rilke and occasionally come across some of his quotations online a few times which could always very easily capture my attention and therefore make me contemplate the wisdom behind those words. I am quite picky when it comes to reading. There are not so many plots that really interest me. Reading, for me, is to find the similarity of life, the echo of experiences, the retrospective of emotions, and to dig out memories. That's why I've liked very few books, but once I begin to like one, I know this established intimacy will last years and years. The reason why I bought "Letters to a young poet" was accidental. Claire told us, during our visit to Magda, that the cemetery of Elsene in Brussels was actually quite beautiful. Since there're few places I had visited yet in Brussels, we went there on a windy Friday afternoon. The sun light was dim. Grey clouds were hanging in the sky. Nevertheless, the cemetery was calm and peaceful. A few tombs reminded me of the ones in Pere de la Chaise, the cemetery in Paris where we visited this summer because I wanted to be in front of the tomb of Oscar Wilde and pay my homage. The cemetery of Elesene was small, in a good way, compared with the vast size of Pere de la chaise, so people could take their time and visit one tomb after another which was much more moderately decorated. The white and yellow chrysanthemum contrasted with the deadliness and the grayness of graves. There was hardly anyone else. I was attracted by a sculpture of a young man in white marble on top of one tomb. It's a copy of Flandarin's painting, "a young man by sea" in the museum of Louvre. At that moment, I felt eternity. After getting back at home, I googled the painting and found accidently a photo of a young man, sitting in front of a French writer's grave which lies just in front of the sea. The young man was reading the book of Rilke, yes, "Letters to a young poet". Then I found these words:

"You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."

觉得为了两个小时候的课，坐上两个小时的公交车来回去学校很愚蠢，可又是没有办法的事情。有时候很羡慕那些什么都不在乎的同学们，课可以好几节不去上，嘴巴上跟教授多讨好讨好，也没有见得成绩差怎么去。自己在很多事情上面太循规蹈矩的，有些窝囊呢。学校的事情太多，连课程表都隔上两个星期变化一次，尽管教授对我们很乐观，可是做学问还真不容易，那些学术上的格式、套路也越来越多，反而让人感觉疲乏无趣。连时间都没有来去认真的读一本可以给心灵上带来些安慰的书，或者听一场可以拨动心弦的演唱会。自从西班牙回来，在那里的大好心情在现在回想起来无比的可贵，也越来越有想去海边或者深山，亲近大自然的渴望，换下环境，暂时搁下一切忧虑，洗去身上的世尘。晚上做在沙发上，听肖邦的《夜曲》，然后整理平时拍来的照片，想着和朋友聊天的内容，脑子里想到一些东西，关于寂寞的，可不知道如何写出来。在比利时的咖啡馆，经常可以看到一个人在桌前单独喝咖啡或者啤酒的人，要么做着自己的事情，看书、写笔记、上网，要么就是关注着旁人。在这个城市里，不知道有多少的寂寞人。

沒想到天氣竟然這樣的好，蔚藍蔚藍的天空，沒有一朵雲彩。幸好讓一個朋友把我從床上叫了起來，否則真是錯過了如此天氣，才是地地道道的罪過啊。天气好，心情也好，跟朋友约好在大广场见面，一起看那里的杂技表演。这个星期三是假日，没有课，上个周末总算得到缓冲，书啥都没有看，哈哈。就是，这几天很想家，想回国。

最近的天气坏透了，又冷，还时不时的下雨，连打球的时候，胳膊还是凉凉的，真讨厌。前天是我们结婚三周年纪念日，白天去附近的小城走了走，出去一起吃了顿晚餐，喝了点酒，聊了会天，然后回家，跟往常似乎没有什么不同。时间过的很快，以前来比利时不久，经常会有意识数着已经来了多少日子，现在已经不怎么去记了，所以以至突然想起，多多少少的感叹下，然后继续忙该忙的。前几日，翻自己的空间，一个月一个月的翻，发现某些细节发生过的事情，现在已经记不太清楚，有些则依然印象深刻。那么多日子过去了，发现，自己念叨中国菜的次数少了，呵呵。自己妈妈过来之后，觉得布鲁塞尔离家跟近了。自己，从根本的，还是没有什么太大的变化，原则依然坚持，性格依然我行我素，脾气依然不容易控制，只不过认识的人多了，见过的事情多了，脑袋里思考的东西多了。有些东西不在重要，有些东西变的重要。跟他的感情如旧。

昨天去参加antwerp games的羽毛球比赛，一开始发挥的很好，赢了三场，本来进下轮比赛稳操胜券的，结果不知道怎的，从第四场起，完全就像变了一个人，连发球的时候球都拿不稳。结果连输三场，把机会拱手送了出去。有两场竟然都是24－26输掉的，后面一分分的打的异常激烈，好惊心动魄。说来也出奇，一下子怎么变化那么大的，不爽，害的搭档跟着自己一起输。不过还好了，都是朋友，打完了就出去逛街。然后是晚餐，还有party。好久没有那么尽兴的去party了，有几首不错的歌，还有能和朋友一起，好开心：）没有时间多写东西，要去做作业了。。。